iPhone + Limerick = Transcendent love

Or, winners revealed.

Thanks to all of you who entered, and who have allowed the limerick to profoundly change the way you think. Your world is richer—though more unstable—for it.

The criteria are published in the post below. 23 points were possible; the winners were one point apart, scoring 22 and 21 respectively, and both "shamelessly appealed to the judge's soft heart for those who go 'above and beyond.'"

Grand Prize Winner Mr. RM (with a k):
The iPhone may warrant a sonnet
to heap highest praises upon it.
To describe its design,
I s'pose lim'ricks are fine;
But here's a haiku if you want it:

Gleaming potential
email, blogging, and cell phone
awakened with touch

Sayeth the judge:
Form: 8 ("s'pose" was a bit of a mouthful to get in one syllable, and "want it" is a near rhyme -- but easily remedied with "wan' it." Or, perhaps change last few words to, "and I'm on it:" as a segue. But these are all quibbles.
C: 7
T: 3
B: 4 (for a seamless segue into a haiku!)

Close Second Winner Deb & Phil:
I check it as oft as I'm able—
I'll sneak a look under the table.
The buttons are so sweet,
the slide screen's a real treat.
Ah! Apple is such a fine label.
or
And I think it might even get cable.
or
My rhyme scheme calls here for "Aunt Mabel."

Sayeth the judge:
Form: 8
Creative Quality: 6
Theme: 3
Bonus: 4 (for a delicious round of not one, but THREE endings . . . with "Aunt Mabel" winning a point for whimsy. Sadly, this is, indeed, the Last Whimsy)

Runner-up Eric M:
WHO WAS THE 1998 PLAYMATE OF THE YEAR?
Clever iPhone is not for the frugal.
It's for those who can't live without Google.
Answers 24/7
It's trivia heaven!
(Still wondering? 'Twas Karen McDougal.)

Sayeth the judge:
The closest to naughty that we had. Bonus points for the clever use of Playmate preamble, and delightful payoff—money shot?—in line 5.

Runner-up Ms. P:
The smooth and the shiny appeal,
As does color and slight weighty feel.
But who e-mail reads,
Or on-the-go needs
A glance of the Web for to steal?

Sayeth the judge:
The one that most felt like a nice blending of stunning 17th century syntax juxtoposed with a decidedly 21st century topic. Regarding the syntax, I'm assuming that this was the author's intent . . . but it could be that this limerick was composed for or by Yoda.

Runner-up Ms. P again:
I still like my basic old phone.
Without it I feel quite alone.
No camera, no 'Net,
But my friends' numbers let
Me keep in touch when not at home.

Sayeth the judge:
The only poem that ellided a single thought from one line to the next . . . a favorite and underused convention.

And finally, the following limerick (Eric M again) elicited my favorite comment from the judge (all the limericks were numbered for the judge, to protect anonymity and impartiality).

No matter how far from home
I go, I'm never alone.
The world in my palm,
I browse with aplomb.
Thank you, my useful iPhone.

Sayeth the judge:
Dear, sweet entry #9, you're like the child who isn't at all troubled by social niceties and norms—you draw outside the lines. You are daring with your use of a 7 syllable opening—which you carry through—and you even made me look up the proper pronunciation of, "aplomb." So, while you didn't win this contest, it's quite possible you're the smartest and/or most artistic of the lot. I'm not going to make you adhere to the syllabi this semester—you forge your own path, sister. I expect great things.

Great things, indeed: from all of you, my loyal, creative, and hilarious readers. Spring is coming, and with it, a most irreverent Easter-themed limerick contest!